Tuesday, 30 March 2010

“Console Prostitutes” = Fail


So this rather ingenious site has just came about called “GameCrush.com”, where sad lonely people (like myself) can pay for a girl to play an online game with them. All online games are included, and it’s about £4 for twenty minutes play.

Now… let’s just review this. You pay £4 for a random girl, to speak idly over voice chat and… play a game with you. Then, she buggers off and you’re still as lonely as you were before and you haven’t even had a chance to have a crafty yet. Sound pointless? Oh yes. Does it sound degrading? Even more so.

Guess what? The site crashed within the first five minutes of launch, due to 100,000 applications for “e-dates”.


Monday, 29 March 2010



Told you March was a busy month!

So for the past two days I’ve been playing Torchlight obsessively. It’s amazing. Perhaps the only reason I’m enjoying it so much is because I’ve never played Diablo  but either way. It’s insanely addictive, rather good looking and really, really, REALLY good fun to play. Not only that but I got it for less than a fiver. Sorted.

Thursday, 25 March 2010

Got to love Steam.


Just bought Torchlight for £3.95.


It was £15 yesterday!

God, I love Steam.

Wednesday, 24 March 2010

Perfect Dark HD + Early ‘90s FPS’s.


So, I won a competition today by saying something witty and my prize was a free copy of Perfect Dark HD, the Xbox Live Arcade remake of the cult classic N64 shooter from the 90’s.

I’ll be honest with you, I’ve never played the original. Yes, I know, blasphemy etc. I just never got around to it. So, I figured, this would be a perfect opportunity for me to play it, finally, after all this time. First impressions are it’s amazing. Really good fun.

Now, that isn’t my point. My point is this. My God. How much have FPS’ changed in the past ten years please?

I was always a big fan of Goldeneye and Timesplitters in my early teens (because lets face it, before Infinity Ward even drew a picture of a gun, Rare / Free Radical were masters of the genre), but I honestly think it’s been so long since I’ve played a classic FPS that I haven’t had time to look back and just think “Woah… this is so… basic.”

You know what? Basic is good. It’s nice that I’m given three objectives, a gun and just told to go do the mission. There’s no freedom. There’s no cut scenes midway through levels of people dramatically revealing plot points to me, even though I know for a fact that in order to reach the conclusion I’m just going to have shoot more people, and it’s ESPECIALLY nice not having the option of being able to aim down my scope! Because lets face it, the second we have that option we seriously exploit it. Also, whatever happened to Guns with multiple functions? You know, pistols with grenade launchers. That kind of thing. I miss them!

I think it’s just nice to sit back and go back to basics. Play a game that started it all. I’m not saying this is better than Bioshock, or Call of Duty. It’s just a good old fashioned, incredibly fun and refreshingly simple game that I’m enjoying playing at the moment.

Also, is it just me, or does everyone get stuck on every single level when playing these games?

Tuesday, 23 March 2010


I told you! I told you all! I said, that even though the DSiXXX Hardcore edition was coming out that Nintendo would produce another one in a matter of seconds and you know what? They have! The DS3D!

In all fairness, that was back in November and this isn’t just another fun sized version of the DSi. It’s actually something… rather ambitious.

That video above isn’t of the new DS, it’s of a game for the old DS’s but the premise is still pretty much the same. Nintendo want to add full 3D depth to their games without the use of glasses. Pretty cool huh? Not only that, but it’s expected to have Gamecube quality graphics. A VERY bold statement Nintendo.

Can they deliver? Well, they promised a lot with the Wii and in all fairness they did give us what they promised. The problem was that we, the fans, expected something mind blowing.

Therefore, I’m not holding my breath. Mainly because I can’t for very long.

Monday, 22 March 2010

Alan Titchmarsh – Neo Nazi of ITV

This… BILE of a video will make you froth at the mouth and probably even lead you to bite someone out of pure hatred for… a gardener.

Yes, if you haven’t seen this yet TV’s most exciting chap Alan Titchmarsh and his two cronies attacked Tim from CVG in a scene that resembled three really old lions slaughtering a helpless rabbit.

To be honest, if their ignorance doesn’t make you want to kill the woman at the very LEAST, then you are a stronger Man/Woman than I…

Sunday, 21 March 2010

Tower Defence


It’s been a busy few months for me, with college finally starting to grind to a halt, it’s been panic mode for my teachers in terms of getting me to finish work and coursework. Therefore, I haven’t really been gaming as much as I used too. Lately? I’ve been playing Fallout 3… and Bioshock 2… and that’s it.

So, what do I blog about? Well, I scrape together anything that remotely resembles games and blog about them. So, in honour of this, I’ve been playing a lot of Tower Defence games this week.

I got a game on my iPod called TapDefence which is incredible. Brilliant fun to play on the bus / in lessons / in bed. It’s just simple to play and incredibly addictive. Oh and it’s free, which is a plus. When I’m not playing that on my iPod, I'm playing Desktop Tower Defence online. Quite simply? The most addictive game ever. Fact. If you’ve never played it before then you’re seriously missing out. Seriously. Go Google it.

So there you go. The most interesting thing I’ve played all week is an iPod tower defence game.

God, I can’t wait for study leave…

Saturday, 20 March 2010

Heart of Darkness


You know when you see something and you remember it but…. not really anything specific about it?

Well someone mentioned an old PS1/PC game called Heart of Darkness to me the other day and this happened. A friend of mine had it on the PS1 when I was like, seven, and I used to adore watching him play it.  So I hunted down some videos and Youtube and my God. It was an absolute GEM of a title! Beautifully inspired pre-rendered environments that you could interact with, a really dark and sinister plot and of course, some pretty classic side scrolling action (albeit Abes Oddesy).

I am so hunting this down.

Thursday, 18 March 2010

Playstation Move Advert.

Although I'm not too keen on the idea, this just proves how awesome Sony are. They blatantly take the piss out of Natal and Wii here, which is always a good thing.

Wednesday, 17 March 2010

Heavy Rain


Ages ago , I played the Heavy Rain demo. My first impressions were ones of… shock! Joy! Controlling an overweight, asthmatic police officer as he enters the apartment of a prostitute is, after all, something I can’t say I’ve ever done in a videogame before. Instantly, I loved the controls, the QuickTime events and of course, as I’m a sucker for insanely juicy narratives, loved the opening of the story. This first section was a joy to play.

However, as soon as I played the introduction to the second character (an FBI agent who’s a cross between a stereotypical “First Day On The Job” policeman and… Robocop) things began to get iffy. See, I was wandering around this field looking for clues, and effectively I was collecting objects in order to progress. Not really the best thing to make me do in the demo of the “Most interactive game ever” is it? Making me collect objects. It was like playing Spyro with QuickTime events.

So yea, that really put me off. I’m still thinking of renting it though. Not buying it, however, as there’s just no replay value in it whatsoever.

Tuesday, 16 March 2010

Fallout Stuffs


So, most of you will have seen the above image by now, and no doubt it’s counterparts and probably thought one of two things. You’ll either have smiled and thought “Ah! Thank God for that! New Vegas is more of the same, and after the epic that was Fallout 3, that’s very much a good thing".” Or, you’ll have gone, “NOOO” FANBOY RAAAGGE! IT'S JUST THE SAME GARGHHH” and presumably, choked on your own rage vomit.

At first, I was choking on my rage vomit, but as I was lying on the floor gasping for air I realised that the direction New Vegas is taking is no way a bad move.


See, I’ve just started a fresh game of Fallout 3 on the PC and already I’m once again completely immersed in the wasteland. If New Vegas is promising us Fallout 3 all over again, and THEN some… well colour me speechless because they are Gods amongst Men and we must worship these people.

Of course, I’m still sceptical that it may turn out to be a bland, samey version of Fallout 3 but at the moment? They have the benefit of the doubt. You have until Christmas guys and gals. Do me proud.

Wednesday, 10 March 2010

Motion Bloody Control.



I am sick to my fecking stomach with these ridiculous motion control devices. Project Natal, Ps3 “Wand”…

Look, guys, there was a specific reason why I left the Nintendo Camp for you two and it wasn’t because I have a passionate fear of moustached Italian men, so stop showing me your paedophile simulators and waving your phallic orb sticks in my face because I don’t care.

I mean come on! All I want to do is play a game the old fashioned way. Is it really too much to ask?

Thursday, 4 March 2010

Bioshock 2 Multiplayer: I’m Already Whining


I played Bioshock 2 Multiplayer for the first time today. I like it so much at the moment, that I’ve played it for three hours. In a day. That’s a lot for me.

Anyway, I like how fresh it is. There’s something incredibly good fun about running around, setting people on fire, freezing them, whacking them with a frying pan, shooting them with a high powered shotgun, hacking a turret to shoot at them and rigging a vending machine to shoot explosives at anyone who comes too close. Certainly more entertaining that Modern Warfare 2 is at that moment, anyway.

However I’m not here to review (Seeing as I'm planning a MONSTER REVIEW Week next week so keep posted), instead I'm here to bullet point off a few points that are so far hindering my experience playing the game. So listen up 2K Marin!

  • First off, connection issues. I’ve played 14 full games so far, but I’ve been disconnected from 5. I know this may not seem like a major issue, but you loose all of your experience points when some dick decides to disconnect. Host migration would fix this pretty much instantly.
  • I’m also having problems with the matchmaking. Although I am ending up in games with people of the same Rank (A rare treat, especially on the PS3) it’s taking far too long to locate people. If I want to play free for all, I’m having to wait five or ten minutes. It’s not really worth it. So, could you make it so it searches for rank / location? Would make it far better.
  • I lag. But only when starting the match. A glitch, or my internet?
  • People keep falling through the floors. Well not completely, but you have them running round with their legs under the floorboards, coming at you like a Wickes version of Jaws. It’s terrifying.
  • More characters and maps would be much appreciated as well. Free would be even better xD

Wednesday, 3 March 2010



Why is there only one black person in Bioshock 2? Like, there’s an abundance of white people but only one black person…

It’s… an odd message.

Tuesday, 2 March 2010

Portal 2?



Now I love a bit of Viral advertising, but this whole Portal fiasco that’s been buzzing around communities lately is just absolutely fascinating.

First, look here to get the low down on all of the content that the community has found since it’s update on the 1st. To those who don’t know, Portal was updated yesterday to include radios that transmitted Morse code and other creepy noises. The fantastic thing? If you translated these through a sound to image converter (and no, I don’t know what possessed someone to even TRY that) you got most of the images found in the link above. All of the other stuff they found? I have no idea.

Anyway, it’s certainly either Portal 2 or Half Life 3 which makes me very happy indeed.

Monday, 1 March 2010

PlayStation Fail…


Due to…. “Calendar Issues” I couldn’t play Bioshock 2 on my Ps3 today which… sucked.

Apparently the consoles were effectively collapsing in on themselves when you turned them on due to them thinking it was a leap year or something equally as ridiculous…

Anyway, it was probably a load of overblown nonsense but I haven’t risked it, just incase.