Heavy Rain

Ages ago , I played the Heavy Rain demo. My first impressions were ones of… shock! Joy! Controlling an overweight, asthmatic police officer as he enters the apartment of a prostitute is, after all, something I can’t say I’ve ever done in a videogame before. Instantly, I loved the controls, the QuickTime events and of course, as I’m a sucker for insanely juicy narratives, loved the opening of the story. This first section was a joy to play.

However, as soon as I played the introduction to the second character (an FBI agent who’s a cross between a stereotypical “First Day On The Job” policeman and… Robocop) things began to get iffy. See, I was wandering around this field looking for clues, and effectively I was collecting objects in order to progress. Not really the best thing to make me do in the demo of the “Most interactive game ever” is it? Making me collect objects. It was like playing Spyro with QuickTime events.

So yea, that really put me off. I’m still thinking of renting it though. Not buying it, however, as there’s just no replay value in it whatsoever.

Fallout Stuffs

So, most of you will have seen the above image by now, and no doubt it’s counterparts and probably thought one of two things. You’ll either have smiled and thought “Ah! Thank God for that! New Vegas is more of the same, and after the epic that was Fallout 3, that’s very much a good thing".” Or, you’ll have gone, “NOOO” FANBOY RAAAGGE! IT'S JUST THE SAME GARGHHH” and presumably, choked on your own rage vomit.

At first, I was choking on my rage vomit, but as I was lying on the floor gasping for air I realised that the direction New Vegas is taking is no way a bad move.

See, I’ve just started a fresh game of Fallout 3 on the PC and already I’m once again completely immersed in the wasteland. If New Vegas is promising us Fallout 3 all over again, and THEN some… well colour me speechless because they are Gods amongst Men and we must worship these people.

Of course, I’m still sceptical that it may turn out to be a bland, samey version of Fallout 3 but at the moment? They have the benefit of the doubt. You have until Christmas guys and gals. Do me proud.

Motion Bloody Control.

 

I am sick to my fecking stomach with these ridiculous motion control devices. Project Natal, Ps3 “Wand”…

Look, guys, there was a specific reason why I left the Nintendo Camp for you two and it wasn’t because I have a passionate fear of moustached Italian men, so stop showing me your paedophile simulators and waving your phallic orb sticks in my face because I don’t care.

I mean come on! All I want to do is play a game the old fashioned way. Is it really too much to ask?

Bioshock 2 Multiplayer: I’m Already Whining

I played Bioshock 2 Multiplayer for the first time today. I like it so much at the moment, that I’ve played it for three hours. In a day. That’s a lot for me.

Anyway, I like how fresh it is. There’s something incredibly good fun about running around, setting people on fire, freezing them, whacking them with a frying pan, shooting them with a high powered shotgun, hacking a turret to shoot at them and rigging a vending machine to shoot explosives at anyone who comes too close. Certainly more entertaining that Modern Warfare 2 is at that moment, anyway.

However I’m not here to review (Seeing as I'm planning a MONSTER REVIEW Week next week so keep posted), instead I'm here to bullet point off a few points that are so far hindering my experience playing the game. So listen up 2K Marin!

• First off, connection issues. I’ve played 14 full games so far, but I’ve been disconnected from 5. I know this may not seem like a major issue, but you loose all of your experience points when some dick decides to disconnect. Host migration would fix this pretty much instantly.
• I’m also having problems with the matchmaking. Although I am ending up in games with people of the same Rank (A rare treat, especially on the PS3) it’s taking far too long to locate people. If I want to play free for all, I’m having to wait five or ten minutes. It’s not really worth it. So, could you make it so it searches for rank / location? Would make it far better.
• I lag. But only when starting the match. A glitch, or my internet?
• People keep falling through the floors. Well not completely, but you have them running round with their legs under the floorboards, coming at you like a Wickes version of Jaws. It’s terrifying.
• More characters and maps would be much appreciated as well. Free would be even better xD

Why…?

Why is there only one black person in Bioshock 2? Like, there’s an abundance of white people but only one black person…

It’s… an odd message.

Portal 2?

 

Now I love a bit of Viral advertising, but this whole Portal fiasco that’s been buzzing around communities lately is just absolutely fascinating.

First, look here to get the low down on all of the content that the community has found since it’s update on the 1st. To those who don’t know, Portal was updated yesterday to include radios that transmitted Morse code and other creepy noises. The fantastic thing? If you translated these through a sound to image converter (and no, I don’t know what possessed someone to even TRY that) you got most of the images found in the link above. All of the other stuff they found? I have no idea.

Anyway, it’s certainly either Portal 2 or Half Life 3 which makes me very happy indeed.

PlayStation Fail…

Due to…. “Calendar Issues” I couldn’t play Bioshock 2 on my Ps3 today which… sucked.

Apparently the consoles were effectively collapsing in on themselves when you turned them on due to them thinking it was a leap year or something equally as ridiculous…

Anyway, it was probably a load of overblown nonsense but I haven’t risked it, just incase.