“Console Prostitutes” = Fail

So this rather ingenious site has just came about called “GameCrush.com”, where sad lonely people (like myself) can pay for a girl to play an online game with them. All online games are included, and it’s about £4 for twenty minutes play.

Now… let’s just review this. You pay £4 for a random girl, to speak idly over voice chat and… play a game with you. Then, she buggers off and you’re still as lonely as you were before and you haven’t even had a chance to have a crafty yet. Sound pointless? Oh yes. Does it sound degrading? Even more so.

Guess what? The site crashed within the first five minutes of launch, due to 100,000 applications for “e-dates”.

*face/palm*

Torchlight

Told you March was a busy month!

So for the past two days I’ve been playing Torchlight obsessively. It’s amazing. Perhaps the only reason I’m enjoying it so much is because I’ve never played Diablo  but either way. It’s insanely addictive, rather good looking and really, really, REALLY good fun to play. Not only that but I got it for less than a fiver. Sorted.

Got to love Steam.

Just bought Torchlight for £3.95.

£3.95!

It was £15 yesterday!

God, I love Steam.

Perfect Dark HD + Early ‘90s FPS’s.

So, I won a competition today by saying something witty and my prize was a free copy of Perfect Dark HD, the Xbox Live Arcade remake of the cult classic N64 shooter from the 90’s.

I’ll be honest with you, I’ve never played the original. Yes, I know, blasphemy etc. I just never got around to it. So, I figured, this would be a perfect opportunity for me to play it, finally, after all this time. First impressions are it’s amazing. Really good fun.

Now, that isn’t my point. My point is this. My God. How much have FPS’ changed in the past ten years please?

I was always a big fan of Goldeneye and Timesplitters in my early teens (because lets face it, before Infinity Ward even drew a picture of a gun, Rare / Free Radical were masters of the genre), but I honestly think it’s been so long since I’ve played a classic FPS that I haven’t had time to look back and just think “Woah… this is so… basic.”

You know what? Basic is good. It’s nice that I’m given three objectives, a gun and just told to go do the mission. There’s no freedom. There’s no cut scenes midway through levels of people dramatically revealing plot points to me, even though I know for a fact that in order to reach the conclusion I’m just going to have shoot more people, and it’s ESPECIALLY nice not having the option of being able to aim down my scope! Because lets face it, the second we have that option we seriously exploit it. Also, whatever happened to Guns with multiple functions? You know, pistols with grenade launchers. That kind of thing. I miss them!

I think it’s just nice to sit back and go back to basics. Play a game that started it all. I’m not saying this is better than Bioshock, or Call of Duty. It’s just a good old fashioned, incredibly fun and refreshingly simple game that I’m enjoying playing at the moment.

Also, is it just me, or does everyone get stuck on every single level when playing these games?

DS3D

I told you! I told you all! I said, that even though the DSiXXX Hardcore edition was coming out that Nintendo would produce another one in a matter of seconds and you know what? They have! The DS3D!

In all fairness, that was back in November and this isn’t just another fun sized version of the DSi. It’s actually something… rather ambitious.

That video above isn’t of the new DS, it’s of a game for the old DS’s but the premise is still pretty much the same. Nintendo want to add full 3D depth to their games without the use of glasses. Pretty cool huh? Not only that, but it’s expected to have Gamecube quality graphics. A VERY bold statement Nintendo.

Can they deliver? Well, they promised a lot with the Wii and in all fairness they did give us what they promised. The problem was that we, the fans, expected something mind blowing.

Therefore, I’m not holding my breath. Mainly because I can’t for very long.

Alan Titchmarsh – Neo Nazi of ITV

This… BILE of a video will make you froth at the mouth and probably even lead you to bite someone out of pure hatred for… a gardener.

Yes, if you haven’t seen this yet TV’s most exciting chap Alan Titchmarsh and his two cronies attacked Tim from CVG in a scene that resembled three really old lions slaughtering a helpless rabbit.

To be honest, if their ignorance doesn’t make you want to kill the woman at the very LEAST, then you are a stronger Man/Woman than I…

Tower Defence

It’s been a busy few months for me, with college finally starting to grind to a halt, it’s been panic mode for my teachers in terms of getting me to finish work and coursework. Therefore, I haven’t really been gaming as much as I used too. Lately? I’ve been playing Fallout 3… and Bioshock 2… and that’s it.

So, what do I blog about? Well, I scrape together anything that remotely resembles games and blog about them. So, in honour of this, I’ve been playing a lot of Tower Defence games this week.

I got a game on my iPod called TapDefence which is incredible. Brilliant fun to play on the bus / in lessons / in bed. It’s just simple to play and incredibly addictive. Oh and it’s free, which is a plus. When I’m not playing that on my iPod, I'm playing Desktop Tower Defence online. Quite simply? The most addictive game ever. Fact. If you’ve never played it before then you’re seriously missing out. Seriously. Go Google it.

So there you go. The most interesting thing I’ve played all week is an iPod tower defence game.

God, I can’t wait for study leave…